There are as many ways to enjoy tonight’s Oscars as there are conspiracy theories on how Marisa Tomei got one of those trophies. We’re going through our annual exercise in futility to pick all the winners. Fargo’s a lock, right? What? Argo? This is why people don’t like Ben Affleck—why can’t you make a less confusing movie title? Anyway, tonight’s host is Seth MacFarlane, from television’s Family Guy and the Major Motion Picture Ted, so you could probably do a drinking game on the number of times he says “Hitler” during the show, or the number of times he bursts into song, or an over/under bet on how many people bring up the whole Oscar Pistorius thing; we’re setting the line at three and a half. You can go all Oscar-thon on this thing since there will be hours and hours of pre-Oscar crap on cable all day, and probably the E-exclamation point channel will be out in front of the auditorium yelling at celebrities and discussing the clothes somebody gave them to wear for free, but we’re not tuning in until the official broadcast. First prop bet: Do you think it will open with a musical number featuring Hitler? 7 P.M. (but that’s probably just some Red Carpet bullshit, we bet they don’t really start handing out trophies until 8 P.M.), WMAR-TV 2, Comcast channels 12 and 802 for the HD, oscar.go.com, with the possibility of fail-whaling Twitter. (Joe MacAdemy)
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